Friday, April 22, 2011


Big changes.  Little changes.  Good changes.  Bad changes.  And I usually don't like CHANGE.  But it seems that that is all I've been doing lately, and I'm wondering (at 3:00 AM on the dot) if that has anything to do with the sudden CHANGE in my mood.  I've all of a sudden, over the last day and a half, fallen into that low, funky, why bother mood that I just love so much.  Wondering why I bother to create such beautiful pieces (and I'm sorry to boast, but they are), when they will probably, inevitably, ultimately end up in a box somewhere, forgotten.  I suppose I'm feeling this way partly because of the disappointment at not receiving a commission check from the Art Gallery this month.  Which means I didn't sell anything last month. And having them not even respond to my email regarding bringing new and different pieces.  NOT EVEN RESPOND!  Unprofessional.   I suppose it also has to do with the change from having my own store, that I could change at will, and do what I wanted with, to having to ask permission to add a display, or change my space.  Not liking that part, as much as I love Connie - it's hard to get used to.  And I get a little testy when I know that what I want to do will only make things better, and yet have limits set.  Still not my ideal situation, but will have to do for now.  I've already made changes to the space you see on the right - so I probably should take an updated photo.  Added some more unique hangers, removed one of the purple square racks.  I will also be adding a second rod across the window, so maybe once that's complete.  With the open house coming next week, it would be nice to have it done beforehand, but wow.  I may not have a chance.
There are also some personal changes coming up for me, ones that I'll have to live with for awhile if I don't like them.  Changing the hair - both style and color, in one fell swoop next week.  Adding some bold highlights that many would (and will) feel are better suited to someone younger - but I'm tired of the gray - both inside and out. 
One of the biggest changes, and one that is probably also causing the malaise - I've decided to take a break from my once beloved Thursday group.  Again with the politics.  Again with the bored.  And this time, a comment was made that I was being irresponsible by not paying attention to what's going on around me.  OH, I'm paying attention. And it's depressing.  And it's inevitable. And there's not one damn thing little old me can do about any of it except try NOT to dwell, NOT to bitch, and be happy and abundant.  Which is what the group starting out being all about.  But as we've gained members, we also gained a few actual politicians, and it all went downhill from there.  I plan to write them a letter, letting them know how I feel and why, and wish them well.  And I may go back again at some point.  But I was left with such disappoint, and almost an angry feeling afterward yesterday, that I just decided it's not worth it anymore.  I want desperately to be a happy, healthy, prosperously ABUNDANT person that there is just not room in my life for crap I don't like.  Head in the sand?  Maybe.  Sure.  But throw some beads in there with it, will ya?
This is probably one of those journal type blog posts that shouldn't get posted - I'm mostly venting, reacting to the changes all about me.  But - isn't that what a blog is all about?  Voicing how we feel about our little world around us, and about the big world we call life? 
I thank you for taking the time to read it.


Courtney Breul said...

Better out than in! Vent away. Hope today is a better day for you. Be good to you. :)

coolmoon said...

Thanks, Courtney. My 3am rants do tend to run on, don't they? I'm sure I'll be fine - I'm blaming this drab Michigan weather, men and menopause. Speaking of which -is there a reason why MEN have to have something to do with that? Hm.
Anyway. Thanks for the thoughts. I hope I have a better day today too.